Below is the e-mail I sent to Hope Darst, a Christian music singer, after hearing her wonderful song on Shine FM here in Calgary. Enjoy.
Hello Hope,
My name is Carl BR Johnson. I have been listening to your wonderful tune “Peace Be Still”, thanks to Shine FM – 88.9, a Christian music radio station here in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. Thanks to The Good Lord, we live in the Canadian Bible belt here in Alberta; ours is a predominately Conservative and Christian community. I listen to Shine FM every day on the way to work, and lately we’ve been hearing your exceptional singing voice here in Canada, since the release of that tune earlier this year.
I can’t begin to tell you how much this song has positively affected my troubled life. I have been listening to it non-stop today, on Sunday, as well as on YouTube, which I have liked and subscribed to your channel. Every time I hear it, the tears flow quite readily, and frequently. The power of God’s Word through your angelic voice has lifted my spirit to new incredible heights. I feel as if my pain has begun to dissipate.
This tune and it’s lyrics have a special meaning for me personally. As I mentioned previously, I am deeply troubled and I am in the process of seeking help. I have recently been diagnosed with ADHD, OCD and PTSD and last but certainly not least, Asperger’s Syndrome; also called High Functioning Autism. Anxiety is the common denominator of all of those disorders. For most of my life, anxiety has been out of control and only recently, The Good Lord has helped me to lift the veil of cloudiness that prevented me from realizing that I had a problem. After 45 years of denial and refusal to accept that I was very different, despite the overwhelming, and sometimes ridiculous number of symptoms and indicators.
My childhood could be described as violent, angry and hateful from both my mother and father. Looking back on it now, my father was not an alcoholic, but I realize now that he also, had un-diagnosed Asperger’s Syndrome (ASD) and possibly PTSD; same as me. His first wife died in a car crash to contribute to his emotional instability. The emotions of Autistics are usually out-of-control and need help to keep under wraps so you can imagine the terrible temper my father would have had. My family believed, very strongly, in not admitting one’s problems, especially to the public, to always show the good side, and weaknesses were mocked by my entire family. I did my best to hide much of what I was going through, unsuccessfully, and acting out was a regular occurrence for me. I got into trouble often.
Emotional and physical abuse was commonplace and terribly traumatic for me and my younger brother during our entire childhood. Many times, we would walk, rather hobble, to school, after our father had a previous night of rage, usually brought on by my mother, where our legs and backside were black and blue from “the stick”. A very large and heavy tool used for weekly beatings. When we changed our clothes in the change rooms for gym class in the mid-80s, the other kids would always see our bruises all up and down our bodies. The rumours flew around our Christian school, Glenmore Christian Academy. Dan and I had to live with the shame of it all and have to face our peers every week of school. Verbal abuse from my mother and physical abuse from my father. We had no place to hide from it at home.
If NF Cure and Shilajit capsules are levitra prescription taken together then it can react in a negative manner causing severe harm to your health. To elaborate, the medication should not be taken without a prescription from a certified doctor. soft viagra tabs works for 80% of the men who take it, but if you do not have the right prescription, the drug is unlikely to work for you. ED suffered patients can read on the portal and can get the medicine generic cialis without prescription delivered at their address. Following are some unknown reasons that may cause erectile dysfunction include the following: Surgery or injury Hormonal problems High cholesterol or diabetes Narrowing of the blood vessels (particularly around the penis) Psychological factors that can affect the married life of cost levitra both men and women. My only release from it, was writing software for my computer at age 11, as my IQ has been estimated at approx.150. But, I was never able to make much of my life despite my high intelligence, even when I had a brief stint as a Journalist. In college, I scored a 3.97 GPA out of 4.00, but because the crippling anxiety would always get in the way, I left the Journalism industry after 2.5 years in 2013. I had a nervous breakdown shortly after.
I also suffered a heart attack, at age 34, in 2010, without a history using illicit drugs of any kind, only a little alcohol and nothing unusual about my diet. This incident has now, since been diagnosed as “Autistic Burnout”. This burnout caused a heart attack after so many years of trying to fit in, trying to be “normal” and failing, endless mimicry of neuro-typicals, and constant denial of anxiety issues with no help of any kind. Living on my own has been a nightmare, and I’ve had more than 35 jobs in my life. I’ve been fired from most of those jobs, and quit to avoid being fired from some of those experiences. My pain tolerance is quite high, as you could imagine.
I apologize if this information is graphic, but I wanted to impress upon you how much I appreciate your work, and the solace that it brings me. Part of being an Aspie, is our ability to remember everything we are exposed to with impeccable detail, one of my nicknames growing up was “Rainman”, for my ability to express large amounts of explicit and specific information. Your music helps me to put aside the trauma of my life that I remember so vividly. And like a glacier that suddenly finds itself in the sun, your words help to melt away the pain of my life. As it turns out, your heavenly voice has been infinitely therapeutic for me. The healing process has found new joy.
Please keep your ministry going for as long as you can. For heaven’s sake. And for the sake of many struggling Christians like me, who are fighting a terrible battle every hour of every day. Week after week, month after month and year after year. Where peace is hard to come by, and solace lasts far too terribly briefly. Being still is close to impossible for someone with Autism and ADHD, but this song has helped me in that war. Even your name, has given hope to someone like me.
Peace Be Still has provided the peace and the stillness to know that The Good Lord Jesus is in control, He has not forsaken me, and He has not forgotten me. And although I am engaged in a brutal struggle to keep my mind from tearing itself apart, I will know that He is helping me, even now. Someday, I will be able to find Real Peace in Heaven and commune with my Heavenly Father, my illnesses will be wiped away and I will know true love, calmness and serenity.
Thank-you very kindly for Peace Be Still,
Carl BR Johnson